did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
