You smell like a Billy Joel song
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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