I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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