...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
