My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
