I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
