just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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