So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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