Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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