hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She needs sedatives and a leash
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
