Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
