I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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