He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
