He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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