Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
PANTIES FOUND
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