i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it hurts more in the daytime
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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