the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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