remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
