Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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