yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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