Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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