i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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