I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
