alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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