I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
