You're so nebulous sometimes
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
