just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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