i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
