You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
