Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
