Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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