Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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