but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
