i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he puts the penis in happiness.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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