Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You're like the curious george of whores
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
