No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
