onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
