remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
