I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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