honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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