Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
