Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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