Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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