I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
