70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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