Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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