You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
