she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
