Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
