I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
