i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.