I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City