I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO