He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.