turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.