i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.