Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.