Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.