i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
