your thong is hanging out like whoa
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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