And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
