best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no you cant smoke seaweed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
