these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
