Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
