I skipped work to stalk him.
high people should be assigned attendants
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Terrible idea I love it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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