Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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