go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
