if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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