I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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