BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
