Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
