I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
