WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize