why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
