Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize