Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
