I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
