Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
MIDGETS
????
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
