What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
