Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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