Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
