Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
